A Flash of the Past
by valjeanbread
Summary: The hooded figure pointed its wand at Nymphadora Tonks, a flash of green light sped towards her. Remus Lupin dived.
1. Frozen

**A/N: **This is going to be very short in regard to chapters as they are brief memories. I'm also out of the country so I'm not able to write much.

J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter

* * *

The hooded figure stood, its wand drawn and pointed menacingly towards the woman with the bright pink hair. Remus Lupin dived, aware of the screams of pain and shouts of curses, bright flashes of lights, and dull thuds of bodies hitting the dirt that reverberated around the grounds of Hogwarts. Remus tuned it out, his only focus was to protect the pink haired woman. She was his wife, Nymphadora Tonks, the love of his life and mother of his only child. He heard her scream behind him as the green light came towards him and everything seemed to be in slow motion.


	2. Hello

**A/N: Sorry for any errors, I'm still on vacation so I haven't had time to sit down and have a proper edit. **

**J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter**

* * *

Remus had heard about the 'life flashing before your eyes' phenomenon several times over, but most people who used it in conversation had never really experienced it. In his one experience, it wasn't his whole life. As Remus stood, waiting for the curse to hit his chest, Hogwarts faded away. He was looking at himself sitting in the dark kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, across from Tonks. Remus grinned as he watched the two of them talk, this had been their first proper introduction. It was in this empty kitchen that Lupin had learned tidbits about Tonks' personal life that he cherished. They included her favorite candy, color, and memory. One piece of information that had proven to be quite useful was when Tonks told him how she took her tea.


	3. Kisses

A/N: J.K. Rowling and all her pseudonyms own Harry Potter.

* * *

He smiled as the scene changed, they were in the Burrow. Molly had wanted some of them around for dinner and somehow, the kitchen had cleared while Molly had rushed off to the market for some emergency product that she had run out of. This left Remus and Tonks alone in the room. He and Tonks had become friends in the time that had passed, he had even gathered the courage to pitifully flirt with her at times. In this moment, Tonks was sitting at the dining room table, he watched himself put the book he was reading down.

"Would you, ah," he cleared his throat, "Like a cup of tea, Tonks?"

He shook his head as he watched his past self blush slightly and then hurried off to the kitchen when she had delightedly said yes.

The memory he was witnessing would change his life forever, he heard the creaking of floorboards as Tonks came into the kitchen.

"Remus," she said softly.

He watched himself whirl around and wished he hadn't looked so frantic, he could see his hands shake.

"Yes Ton- Dora?"

"Remus, I'm not going to sugar-coat this."

He remembered his thoughts at that moment, along the lines of, _Oh Merlin what have I done have I offended her, have I done something without noticing oh Mer-_

"Remus I've been flirting with you for the past month, and you haven't

really caught on which either means you're not interested or you're daft."

The saucer fell to the floor and shattered, Remus stared at her, completely unaware of the saucer.

"Dora, I haven't been... Flirting back strong enough I suppose? I wasn't even aware you were flirt-"

Before he could even finish his sentence, Tonks was kissing him.

From where he was standing in the corner, Lupin watched the two figures kiss, focused more on Tonks than he was on himself. Her kisses were like water and he was an always dehydrated man. He couldn't get enough of them. A sad pang echoed through his chest as he realized once this review of their relationship was over, a kiss between them would never happen again.


	4. First

**A/N: J.K. Rowling and all her pseudonyms own Harry Potter. **

**Mild adult themes this chapter. **

* * *

He was running out of memories that he wanted to look back on, he hadn't had the time to make them with Tonks as they were both so busy with the Order. Their courtship was a whirlwind affair, exchanged kisses without anyone watching, and screaming rows that left them both hoarse.

The dark stairsteps were very familiar to Remus, he watched himself bound up the stairs and knock on the black door of the flat frantically.

Tonks opened the door and looked at the man before her. Remus was pale, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

"Remus Lupin what the hell do you think you are doing!? It's the night before our wedding! You're not even supposed to see me let alone turn up on my doorstep at midnight."

Remus took a deep breath, "It was a mistake. I shouldn't have proposed to you, and I'm here to remedy that. I am too old, too dangerous-"

Tonks' eyes narrowed, "You are saying that falling in love with me was a mistake? Proposing to me was a mistake?"

"Yes that's exactly what I am saying-" From his position at the foot of the stairs, Remus winced as Tonks' hand struck his past- self's cheek.

"You're a bastard, Remus Lupin. How dare you come here and do this to me!" Tonks was in tears and her hair had turned bright red.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But Dora-"

"Don't you call me that if you're leaving me!"

"Tonks," his voice was strained, "I'm a werewolf. I could be responsible for your death..."

"Do you think I bloody well care? Do you think I'm not in danger every day with my job? Honestly, you are so thick!" She grabbed the front of his robes, shaking him violently.

"I'm like poison to everyone I meet... Tonks. Lily and James and Peter, all dead. Sirius in prison. My mother and father, dead. Dumbledore, dead. What's going to happen to you? Death, insanity, imprisonment?"

"How many times do I have to say, I don't care! I want to be with you, Remus! I love you, and I know you love me too."

"Dora-" Remus was cut off as she kissed him. He kissed her back, his arms wrapping around her tightly, almost afraid to let go. He kicked the door shut as they staggered into her house.

Remus Lupin watched the door shut, that had been the night Teddy had been conceived. Incidentally, Tonks didn't seem to care much for tradition when she woke up beside him with an hour for the two of them to get ready for their wedding.

* * *

Remus looked at the two of them, Tonks' head was nestled against his chest. Their clothes were in a pile on the floor, and the sheets were kicked off the bed.

Remus stirred first, stretching his arms and yawning. He looked down at Tonks and allowed himself a tired grin. When her eyes struggled open, he kissed her gently.

"So much for tradition, we were a night early."

She responded by hitting his chest with her fist, "Shut up and get ready, we're getting married in an hour. Get out, I don't want you seeing my dress, ruining the only surprise you have left."

Her hand pressed into the small of his back, steering him out of the room, but she was smiling.

Remus smiled as his past self pounded on the door of her room.

"Can I at least have my underwear, Dora?"

"You call yourself a wizard, Remus?"

With a disgruntled sigh, Remus disapparated.


	5. Bells

**J. K. Rowling owns Harry Potter**

* * *

His hands trembled as he tightened his tie around his neck, looking at himself in the mirror. He had nicked his neck shaving and was holding a piece of cloth to the cut to stop the bleeding. He hoped that his dress robes would hide the cut. After all, he wanted to look presentable and prepared for his wedding.

'Am I doing the right thing?' He thought as he sat in the chair. 'Do I love her?'

"Yes," he spoke aloud, "Yes I most definitely love her, that's not the problem. I don't want to tie her down to someone... Something like me."

He stared at himself in the mirror, "Oh Merlin." He gripped his hair, staring at the ground.

"You cannot abandon her at the altar, Remus. But you can't marry her, you can't do that to her."

He flattened his hair but it still looked untidy. He then grabbed the hairbrush and ran it through his hair. He straightened his dress robes, glancing down at his shoes and making sure they were shined. Taking a deep breath he apparated to his soon to be in-laws' house. The ceremony was to take place outside, a huge tent was hitched. He felt his pulse quicken, he couldn't do this.

He took faltering footsteps to the tent, Ted Tonks greeted him with a hug, "She's so excited Remus. But we're going to start soon so we need to get you to the front of the aisle."

Remus walked up the carpet and stood at the front of the tent. He sat down when he saw McGonagall enter the tent, followed by the Weasley's, Alastor Moody, and a few more witches and wizards. When the music started playing, Lupin stood.

Lupin stared at the front of the tent as he heard people gasp and stand. He turned around, and there was Nymphadora.

"Merlin, she's beautiful," Remus spoke to himself, a warm feeling spread through his chest. Tonks walked gracefully in her white dress and had given herself the usual pink hair. He gave her the biggest smile of his life, she was crying and smiling at him and he was tearing up as well. When she reached him, she took his arm.

"You're so bloody beautiful, I love you."

After the vows were said, which Remus had memorized the night before. He had sworn his undying love and devotion, which he was certain that he would keep forever.

When he was told that he could kiss the bride, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately.

"Merlin, I love you Dora."

"I love you too Remus... Remus and Nymphadora Lupin."

Remus smiled and kissed her again, "I love you Nymphadora Lupin and I always will."


	6. Home

**A/N: Enjoy the fluff before it becomes soul destroying angst and misery :)**

**J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter.**

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After their quiet wedding and small reception, Remus and Tonks stood on the grass in their wedding garb engaged in an intense discussion.

"Am I moving in with you or are you moving in with me?"

"It makes more sense to just buy a little cottage and leave our homes as safe houses, Remus."

"Dora, I can't afford that-"

"I bought it yesterday, you just have to sign the contract. It was very reasonable, my love." She leaned against his chest and batted her eyelashes up at him.

"I'm guessing you've already moved all my things to it haven't you?"

"Wotcher Remus, some people might say that we're married or something."

Remus smiled, "Well then, I guess the only answer is yes, let's go to our house. Lead the way."

* * *

He took her arm and they apparated, he swallowed at the uncomfortable feeling. Tonks was bounding up the untidy steps of a cottage that was covered in overgrown vines. Remus walked up to the front door that Tonks had already disappeared behind, it was made of oak and very heavy. He liked having strong doors, he felt that it made the house more secure.

"Rem come inside, you're missing out on our room and the kitchen!"

He stepped inside the threshold, shutting the door behind him. The cottage was filled with light, completely opposite of its dark exterior. Tonks wrapped him in a hug, intending to kiss his cheek but instead kissing his neck.

"You missed," he said dryly as he looked at the wooden floors and large fireplace. "It's lovely, Dora. I love it." He kissed her slowly, his hand coming up to cup her cheek.

She pulled away, "C'mon, husband, you haven't seen our bedroom yet."

Remus was dragged after her, her hand gripping his tightly. She jumped onto the huge four poster bed, looking up at him. He paced around the room, opening the dresser to find his clothes folded neatly alongside hers. He wandered over to the en suite bathroom before joining Tonks on the bed.

"Very comfortable," he said as Tonks cuddled into his side.

"You like our house, Mr. Lupin?"

"Yes I do, Mrs. Lupin. Where's this contract I have to sign?"

Tonks summoned the parchment to him, he signed on the dotted line.

"Proud home-owners?"

Remus smiled, "Indeed."


	7. Nightmare

**A/N: Who else read Remus' bio on Pottermore?**

**J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter. **

* * *

Red hair. Hazel eyes behind black framed glasses. A haughty looking boy with handsome features. A portly boy laughing. A newborn baby with a shock of unruly black hair. A flash of green light, insane laughter. Pale white skin and skeletal features. A pink haired woman lying motionless on the ground, her blank eyes staring up at a black sky.

"No!" Remus screamed, sitting upright in bed, covered in a cold sweat and his chest heaving. Tonks was already out of bed, glancing out the window at the moonnervously. She turned to look at her husband. Lupin's knees were drawn to his chest and his head rested between his knees. His sobs filled the quiet bedroom. Tonks took a deep breath and got back into bed, her arms wrapping around him.

"What was it?" Her voice was soft, she ran her fingers through his damp brown hair.

"I realized something." His voice was barely a whisper, his hands were clenched into fists at his sides.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't keep it inside, it'll kill me if I don't tell someone."

She wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and quickly walked to the kitchen and put the kettle on to boil.

Clutching one mug of tea, Tonks turned the beside lamp on before sitting back down beside Lupin, "Okay, darling, go ahead."

"I am the reason why everyone is dead."

"No, Remus, you can't blame yourself for everything. You hate yourself but everyone admires you-."

"But you don't understand. You haven't even heard my reasons. When I went to Hogwarts, I was the one to befriend Peter Pettigrew. James and Sirius had no interest in him until I made them have interest in him. Don't you understand?"

Tonks looked at him, her mouth a firm line, "Remus-."

"If I hadn't introduced Peter to James, they would still be alive. Dumbledore would be alive...Everyone would be alive! Voldemort wouldn't be back like he is... I've killed everyone. I should have kept to myself."

Tonks was silent, looking at her husband who was hunched over, tendons stuck out on his neck.

"Listen to me, Remus. You are not responsible for anyone's death. You were a kind boy who reached out to someone who needed friends. There is nothing wrong with that. And you didn't reach out to James and Sirius, they reached out to you. They wanted to be your friend, and nothing you could have done would have changed that."

Remus relaxed slightly as she pulled him into her arms.

"No more nightmares okay? It upsets me and th-." She cut herself off quickly, "and doesn't do anything good for you."

Remus sipped the tea she had brought and snapped off a piece of chocolate from the bar he kept by his bedside. Tonks' hands rested on her stomach, she didn't know how she could tell him. She didn't know how to make him see how wonderful he was either. When Remus had settled down, she turned the light off and watched as he returned to a fitful sleep.

"Don't worry, baby." She rubbed her stomach, "I'll tell him soon."


	8. News

**J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter**

* * *

**News**

"Pregnant." Remus Lupin's voice was not filled with happiness like the typical man who had just discovered that he was to be a father. His voice was firm, and his eyes were narrowed. Nymphadora Tonks looked at her husband expectantly, waiting for him to tell her how happy he was. But it never came. Instead, Remus left the house without another word, headed for the village pub.

Tonks wiped the tears from her cheeks. _What did you expect? _She thought bitterly, _You are so complete with him, and yet, he acts like he would be better off without you. Perhaps he doesn't even love you. _She sat down in his worn, leather chair in front of the fire. Her hand absentmindedly rubbed her stomach, her hair turning red slowly as she stared into the flames. With a heavy frown, she grabbed her coat from the closet and set out to find Remus.

* * *

The glass of whiskey slid down the table into Lupin's expectant hand. He wasn't quite sure how many he had drunk so far, but each one seemed to taste better and better. Thoughts of Tonks which had at first been at the forefront of his mind quickly faded into the back. He was thinking of his times at Hogwarts, both as a student and a teacher. In that moment in that dusty old pub, he began to wish that he had participated in more things at Hogwarts, like Quidditch. Perhaps his life would have turned out differently. He didn't look back as the bell above the door jingled. _Perhaps another sad soul, _he thought.

"Just a water, please." Remus froze; his wife was sitting next to him. He had three choices: 1. Leave the pub, 2. Stay where he was but not acknowledge her, or 3. Acknowledge her. Tonks was staring at him with narrowed eyes, and he noted from the corner of his eye that her hair was bright red. She was definitely mad. About five minutes of silence passed.

"So, Remus, how many of those have you had?" Her voice was light, he knew her technique. She would start with casual conversation before completely tearing him to shreds, probably outside.

"Dunno, don't keep track," his words were slurred.

She gave him a withering look, "You've obviously had quite a lot, perhaps it would be a good time to stop and go home before you completely inebriate yourself."

Lupin let out a very long sigh, setting his empty glass down. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't make her angrier at him. He decided against speaking, left some money on the bar-top, and made his way towards the door. Footsteps behind him alerted him that Tonks was following him. He closed his eyes and stopped in front of the alley beside the pub.

"Well, I'm glad you already know what's coming. However, given my condition, I don't think it's a good idea for me to get too stressed. I don't want to lose the baby."

Remus' eyes widened, his cheeks flushing red with shame. "I don't want you to lose the baby either. Dora, I'm just upset because… My kind don't usually produce children… I don't know what to expect. I could doom you to a life-."

"Having a child, regardless of what condition they have, will **not** doom me to a life of anything! Having a child is something that will make my life wonderful! Why can't you see it that way, Remus?"

He held his head in his hands, "I am trying, Dora. I promise you that I'll try."

Tonks nodded, knowing that was the best she was going to get that evening. She looped her arm through Remus' and walked with him back to the cottage, just as the village clock struck midnight.


	9. Leave

**J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter**

* * *

**Leave**

Remus tore away from Nymphadora Tonks' grip, his eyes wild. With a flick of his wand, clothes flew into his waiting suitcase haphazardly and the case shut. Tonks was screaming at him, but he blocked it out, lunged forward and grabbed his trunk.

"Why are you doing this to me, Remus?!"

He whirled around to face her, looking at her tear stricken face. He knew if he was going to leave her, she would need to know why. He might as well make this as pleasant as leaving the woman you love could be.

"I am leaving you to protect you and the child. I am a werewolf, Dora. You know what that means, it means that being with anyone puts them in danger. I cannot be responsible for you or our child being injured. **I couldn't live with myself. **So, I'm leaving because it's for the best. I have you and the child's best interests at heart, I truly do." He put his wand in his pocket and went to put his hand on her shoulder but she wouldn't let him touch her.

"Don't you dare,' her voice shook, "Don't you dare even touch me Remus John Lupin. If you truly loved me, you wouldn't leave me and our child, especially when a war is going on. If you're going to leave me, don't drag it out. Go. Leave."

Remus blinked, surprised. Without a word, he disapparated.

* * *

He had landed in the Hog's Head pub. Aberforth appraised him silently for a few moments before handing him a firewhiskey.

"Left her, did you?"

Remus looked down at the trunk that he had rested against the stool. He took a long sip of the firewhiskey, allowing it to burn his throat. It was a pain he felt he deserved.

"It's for her own good."

"Albus wouldn't see it like that."

"When have _**you **_ever given a damn what Albus would have thought?" Remus snarled, slamming the glass down on the bar-top.

"Get out, Remus. I'm not going to let you sit in my pub, get yourself drunk, and insult me. You're embarrassing yourself."

Lupin stood to his feet, "Fine, I'll leave. Have you heard anything about the whereabouts of Harry Potter?"

Aberforth snorted, "He's probably dead somewhere Remus. It's a lost cause, he's going to win."

With that, Remus disapparated.

* * *

He tried the Burrow next, Molly screamed as he landed in their kitchen. Arthur shoved him against the wall, wand at his neck.

"What did Remus Lupin say to me at his wedding?"

"I said that I appreciated you being there and then I asked you if you wanted to have a firewhiskey because I had accidentally purchased 4 cases instead of 2."

Arthur nodded and smiled anxiously as he backed away from him. The smile turned into a frown when he saw Remus' trunk.

"I... Tonks is perfectly fine at home. I've just left her there for safety reasons. I need to know if you know where Harry might be?"

Molly saw through that lie almost immediately but kept her mouth shut, she would check in on Tonks after Remus had left.

"You could always try Grimmauld Place, Remus."

Lupin grinned, shook Arthur's hand before grabbing his trunk, and disapparated with a loud crack.


End file.
